i really must change the picture up there! its fall now... i laugh, because adding that to my ever growing list of things to do might just make the whole damn thing fall down! i have two sick kids and a husband at home- my three year old has missed both days of school this week, and one last week- bummer for everyone.
its raining here now, and by that i mean it will be raining here until the beginnning of june. sigh. i cant help it, its depressing. portland would be the most perfect city if it the rainy season were only a few months!
as it is, i think we are moving back to southern california. strength in numbers and all that.
i cannot tell a lie- i miss the ocean! but maybe we will be back one day...
i am not sure if it was turning 30- or turning 31 in december- but i have never pondered my own mortality as much as i have in the last year. its like i am JUST figuring out that the pre-children life i led is:
never coming back
that i will never be the same, physically or spiritually
that really i wouldnt want to be.
that if i dont do the work now (on whatever part of my life that needs it) the responsibility is solely mine- not my husbands fault or parents or childrens.
excuse me while i become a yogini, lose 50 pounds eat raw and radiate positivity now.
i mean, am i the only mother who is overwhelmed by the housework and the errands and the marital issues and the lack of space and time to be alone or take a bath or write or paint?
i read an article about a woman who lost 85 pounds and got up at 4am to go to the gym and then went BACK to the gym at night- i will bet 5 million dollars she did not have children under 5 in the home. i bet you. because i have not taken a BATH in the last week because i couldnt. i passed out from exhaustion putting the girls down for bed. screw getting up at 4am to do ANYTHING!
but i guess that is why i do not have an advanced degree or real estate or whatever, because i am a very undisciplined person.
but, as my father would agree with, i make up for it in enthusiasm.
plus, i make a mean red sauce.
whats your version of "red sauce"?
More Adventurous turns 10
9 years ago
3 comments:
have you read "Of Woman Born"
by Adrienne Rich?
possibly late 70s published?
major feminist, who wrote about the very conundrums you are tackling -
how to be a creative woman AND raise a family...
powerful book,
and might be reassuring/nourishing/affirming?
i'm not a mom, so i don't know first hand, but her writing was so vivid to me - the tearing inside, the conflict, the guilt, the love AND the yearning.
no, i dont know this book, but i would like too.
thanks for the book suggestion!
:)
i was just struck, that while dense reading... its also very close to your story here and may be quite soulful.
i think i remember you from the MMB, and stumbled across your blog on "dancing mermaid's" blog list.
:)
jenniwiffles
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