you will always be my baby.

i remember when i lived in berkeley and my first sister went to school for the first time, and my dad told me he took her on the bus and held her hand and took her to school. i cried. i was only 19 or so.
well, i am 30 now and my first baby is going to school for the first time today. i am happy. she needs the structure, kids, play- but i cant help but feel a bit choked up about it.
she picked out her own backpack (a sunflower on it) and lunch container (a ladybug)and a purple water container and a new outfit for her first day. as she was drifting off to sleep last night, she says "mama? i be going to cool tomorrow? (yes baby) and you are going to drop me off? (yep!) will there be candy? (probably not honey) your the bestest mama in the whole world, and the best onest too. oh, and i like your boobies."
ha! :)
she is well done with breastfeeding as that is her baby sisters job now, but i guess kids remember the intimacy associated with nursing.
she makes me laugh.
she also makes me want to tear my hair out with frustration, and kick the wall. as of the last three months she is:
willful
highstrung
persistant
ornery
cranky
bored
tired
grumpy
frustrated
highly sensitive
picky
complainy

she is also:
hilarious
full of empathy
the best big sister in the world and soo gentle
sweet
eager
excited
willing
pure and fresh
making her way in the world.

she will always be my baby, even when she is 80 and i am in another lifetime.
so heres to my first daughter, the one with the chestnut colored glossy curls, huge brown eyes with golds and greens (if you look at 'em just right, in the light) eyelashes her eyebrows get tangled up in, and cream skin with roses floating in it. heres to my first child, who, along with my 22 hour labor, bulldozed a comfortable place in my heart and set up shop. she is what makes me better, and because of her, her sister will know an even different mommy.
i love you. be good at preschool baby!