Sunday, June 7, 2009

flowers and themes.

you know when themes appear in your life?

and all of a sudden you see the (lesson, word, pattern, person, situation, books, etc) everywhere?

thats whats happening to me.

i keep reading books that say the exact same thing.

i keep finding myself in the same circular thoughts. a reel, if you will. it just keeps playing in my mind like a loop.

my walk yesterday found me contemplative. witnessing the flowers of portland in the spring, and now early summer has been like watching my soul evolve. walking helped me get out of my thoughts and into my heart.

in this past year, i have gone to school, had a baby, and lived in three different homes.

i have been published in a magazine (ok, it was a magazine for baby boomers, but still!)

i trick myself into thinking that i will always be:
not "enough"
unmotivated and uninspired

but the truth is, if i just look at this last year alone (not to mention the other 29 years of my life) change is always apparent and exists naturally regardless of if i think it is happening fast enough for my ego or not.

thats my thing. its not happening fast enough. fast enough for me to "feel" like something is happening, i suppose.

but it IS happening! life is happening, change is happening.
my little girls are growing exponentially and i am too, even despite my perceived flaws, setbacks and insecurities.

so all these books i am reading say that to change anything about your life, you must first
believe it has already happened
and back it up with action.

really, if we examine our lives, EVERYTHING that has happened has been created because we decided it to be so.

that being said, i am working on aligning my own thoughts with my life and what i want.
i am working on becoming more whole and integrated.

i am, today, going to try to be in the most present moment as possible. play legos with my daughter instead of clean, walk long enough to sweat, smile at myself because i am a child of god and goddess and like all others, deserve kindness and gentleness (from myself especially).

what i envision for myself lately:

money that can grow for my family. enough to get my tonsil surgery.
a house with wooden floors and lots of windows and a fenced back yard here in portland for my girls and that is big enough for a flower and a veggie garden.
a preschool in the fall for my three year old that will foster her artistic nature and her gentle, empathic spirit.
a used (but new to us) car that is safe and clean. i love station wagons!
a joint growth within my marriage, including goals.
healthy and happy children.
becoming a more patient mother.
shedding pounds of weight like winter overcoats. effortless and joyful.
writing and painting.
pilates and yoga.

what goals and dreams come to you? how do they appear and how do you listen?

wishing you a dream infused spirit and little flowers that appear everywhere on your walks!

1 comment:

Hector Diego said...

'Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not.'

Senator Robert Kennedy, eulogizing his brother John.

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