Tuesday, May 5, 2009

celebrate.

i cut this quote from a magazine, (i cant remember which magazine) years ago.

it is what i often forget but need to remember.



celebrate,

celebrate early

celebrate often



there is plenty of sadness

there is plenty of disappointment

celebrate celebrate celebrate

-david marell



springtime in the pacific northwest is amazing to me, being a southern california girl (born and raised).



have to admit, im kind of over the rain, but the green lush flower landscape gorgeousness makes it ok.

i want to paint again and write again and practice yoga again.

i want to play the guitar again (if you know the basic chords you know everything you need to know)

i want to laugh more and sleep more.

i want to eat less sugar and more kale. (i wish i ate kale every day. whats with kale? it seems so intimidating, even when i cook it in butter and olive oil and cumin- is that because i am intimidated, in general, of all things good for me? hmm)

i want my little girls to be women who posess the things i do not and some of the things i do..

i want to not forget how miraculous, really, even the shittiest mundane things are, because if I am BREATHING, it means i am alive. being alive is a gift.

it does not mean we only experience joy.



i struggle with this.



really, i want to drink chamapagne all day and eat artisan cheeses and be skinny naturally and paint beautiful paintings and be known for my words.

i mean, whats wrong with being unconventional and crazy?

paying bills, housework, the endless and often thankless tasks of being a mom and a wife and a person and a woman make me feel depressed and defeated sometimes.

i fight it, but sometimes i want the pill that makes it all better.

i have written a thousand books in my head.

i make excuses:

too tired

hungry

chubby

depressed

untalented

tired

sad

angry

boring

tired



to create.

but the truth is that i can choose to feel that way anways, regardless of creating, and i do.

so why not create through it all anyways?

the truth is I AM TIRED, i am freakin exhausted, nursing a baby all night will do that. shoot, having two kids under 4 will do that to you.

but there are a lot of women out there who write and paint and cook and clean and have kids and are tired too, but they do it anyway.

my goal for the week is to create through it.

my 9 week old is sitting next to me in her swing (but not swinging because she doesnt really like it) as i write this.

i know from my first daughter that the first year feels endless until its gone...pretty soon they will both be in college....



women, especially mothers, dont talk about the dark parts enough. lets release ourselves of the dark by sharing and then moving toward the light of our lives. lets do it together!

just because i am a mother and wife does not mean i have all of a sudden become wholesome.

1 comment:

Bella said...

( ( ( ( Shakti ) ) ) )

Sending you a squeeze ~I have always loved your writing, welcome to blogland :D

Big love,
Bella

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