Tuesday, May 5, 2009

the beginning of change has to start somewhere.

today was special.
today i exercised consciously for the first time in many months. (ok, being completely honest, its been years)
and i made breakfast for my three year old and nursed my two month old twice before i even left the house.
as my postpartum body jiggled and shook along with the music, i felt amazing. just USING my body that way, consciously i mean, with no child attached to it in any way was freeing and inspiring.
my two little girls were home with my husband.
i have been wanting to go to the gym for a loooong time. i am one of those people who would MUCH rather do almost anything else then exercise.
unless its fun.
so, my exercise almost always has something to do with pilates, yoga, dance.
today, i took a nia class. nia is a combination of yoga, pilates, dance, and martial arts, perfect for someone like me.
it is gentle, but you work up a sweat.
today, our teacher led us to the ballet bars to do some stretches. she had us hold onto the bar and look into our own eyes.
she told us to look into our own eyes and honor ourselves, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
i looked into my own eyes and saw myself for who i was:
a 30 year old woman with two kids and a husband, with about 35 pounds to lose, with laugh lines and grey hair, and a beautiful smile. i saw myself as a child, a teenager, an artist.
i saw myself body-less, suspended and floating up above myself, just a soul doing the best i can (and sometimes succeeding at that) like pretty much all other souls.
i started to cry, looking at myself.
because i withheld judgement, i wasnt looking at myself with a critical eye.
it was a relief.
i believe that when we practice kindness towards ourselves we allow others to see our vulnerabilities, which then helps others to be kinder to themselves.
kindness is something that repeats and grows by default.
a very special lesson for a special day.


Tara said...

Beautiful words, beautiful you. :)

Anonymous said...

I love how you felt when you looked at yourself with judgement ~ it made me smile, ShaktiBeautifulGirl.

Anonymous said...

Ummmmm, that was supposed to be WITHOUT up there...

Sorry about that!

Hector Diego said...

Beautiful, Lila, keep writing.

Brandi said...

shaktilicious~I love nia as well. for the same reasons. and how funny that I just started doing it again after YEARS.

many blessings to you~

brandi (omgirly on the board)

Hailey108 said...

This is really good, Lila. Keep it up! Love you, gaya

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