special ways of being.

we are spinning some vintage ozark mountain music on vinyl on the record player and our house now is filling with boxes. the trees whisper and sigh under the weight of the rain storm/cold front blowing through and i held my daughter while she was sobbing and thrashing her body around for almost two hours this morning.
my four year old has sensory integration issues and difficulties and a lot of the time clothing can trigger meltdowns of astronomical and distressing proportions.
she cannot help it and i cannot, sometimes, soothe or help her. i just have to breathe and remind her (and myself) that its ok.
she holds her distress in her body and when we get to san diego i am going to start looking into cranio sacral therapy for her, amongst other things.
as a mother, my heart hurts for my first daughter whose brain does not handle regular and normal stimulus- sometimes i feel like we are all barely functioning. and then the "real" her, that is her beautiful essence comes through and i see that i just have to be her advocate in all ways, even from herself.
it never occured to me that i may have a child with special needs- but she does. she is special and her needs from me are special. and i am learning how to do it so she can function in this world.
and for me, too.
heres to new ways of being and mothering.