Tuesday, June 30, 2009

tuesday bluesday.

i saw an african woman walking along side a rural road today.
she was wearing bright yellow and blue and purple with a white and pink scarf that fluttered around her body like a flag.
she was walking by a green field with yellow flowers in it, and the sun was shining on her and i drove past her wishing for my camera.
but there are somethings you cannot capture. the vision inspired me to paint it.

i took my three year old to visit a preschool today, to see if she would like it. the kids weren't there, just the teacher, and she loved the atmosphere.
when it was time to go, she refused to say goodbye because she wanted to stay and play. she stomped her foot and hid behind me and ran off and became sullen and kind of rude.
all this after i explained how gentle and sensitive she is, how i was worried she would be bullied since she has basically no interaction with other children.
the teacher understood and we went along our way.
i am going to sob when my first baby goes to school for four hours for the first time next monday.
i just cant believe she is old enough and ready for this brand new experience in her life. i mean, i wont be there! what if she needs me? what if she hates it? what if there are mean kids? what if SHE is mean? what if this is the beginning of her leaving me to forage for herself in this often cruel and harsh world and i cannot for anything make her a baby again for just one more second?
good grief, it could make a somewhat normal person like me (yeah right who am i kidding saying i'm normal?) want to have a baby in the house all the time!
thank goodness i have a baby in the house.
she smells like milk and dandelion fluff and sunlight. her nature and temperament are so jolly and sweet and easy. i drink her in every second i get, nibbling her toes, blowing raspberries on her tummy, squeezing her dimpled rolls and folds and juicy plumpness.
i try to to do that to my three year old, but she wipes off my kisses. i made her a daisy chain on top of a grassy hill in a slant of sun yesterday and she kissed me out of the blue on the cheek and then ran down the hill giggling. she gives you love ONLY when shes in the mood.
its crazy how my little girls are so different from each other.

my husband and i wrote a song today. very bluesy.
i love that the older i get i care less about what people think of me- i just sang and it felt great.

now if i can just finish that painting...


micasue said...


I followed your link from hipmama.

and (apparently) I like parentheses.

shaktigirl. said...

hi raspberry toast!
(i like parenthesis too)
thanks for reading.
my blog only comes in short little bursts, but i am TRYING to write when i can.
nice to see you here! :)

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