ch-ch-changes.....

ohmylord its been a long while since i wrote. a long road trip to california, my 31st birthday and trying to get back into the swing of things back home (laundry, laundry and more laundry)more doctors appointments for my baby, it feels crazy.

i didnt feel christmas this year. that is until we bought a tree (we would have bought a live tree but we are moving soon-didnt know where to plant it, etc. i said blessings and thank you for this tree) and it is beautiful. we decorated the house and it feels like christmas. our oldest loves the idea of santa and even though i thought i would not want to perpetuate it, we are allowing santas presence to come on in. christmas really is for the kids.

i came back bloated and foggy from road trip food and proceded to go raw for a few days. it is amazing what your body can do when you are eating living and easily digested foods. i find myself incorporating more raw foods into my regular diet now and i feel much better.

i chopped off about 7 inches of hair and am sporting a very euro style bob- i also dyed it blonde.

the endocrinologists want to see our baby in this week- she is growing length wise but not weight wise, really. she is a full three pounds less then an average 9 month old and i am worried but trying to put it all in perspective. i hope her tests are fine and she is just a petite person. we think the steroid shot stunted her growth.
on a positive note, the large divot on her face is completely gone and her eyesight is normal for the first time in her life, we saved her eyesight.

we know that portland is an amazing city, but we are moving. we are really liking the idea of cabo or somewhere in southern baja, someplace sunny and warm. we are going to write our business plan and make the next move. just for a few months. we most likely will leave in feb.

there are major shifts happening. i dont know what yet, but i know how i feel. its like i look around at my life and there are split screens in front of me. as i go through the motions and daily, neccessary movements, its like i can see myself other places to at the same time. this always happens before a major shift.

i will post pictures as soon as possible- my husband got a nifty yet high tech camera and i am not sure how to download pictures from it yet.

sending love to anyone who happens to peruse this blog.

:)

thankful.

today, as some of my family gathers, i remember to breathe and to be grateful.
i prepared veggies and stuffing and appetizers and chopped and cut and organized and cleaned, and burned my hand and turned the oven up, then turned it down, and drank a glass of wine, and as everything cooks in the oven, and its 80 degrees here in southern california and my husband and children and grandparents gather, i am thankful and grateful for my life.
and for you.

my girls.

to be wed.

this sounds weird, but this song helped me make the decision to marry my husband, five long years ago...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUYgAw8abro

(and this is some writing i did concerning getting married and my passion for my husband....we have had a long road with time apart, but we are still together.
wow.)

concrete blonde's "someday" is playing into my soul.

have you ever had your "someday" become your now?

i sit in this september light, writing to you, and realize that we are creatures that are ever changing. we are responsible for our growth. we may not "change" people, but we most certainly effect them.

we change ourselves, however, and when your life is around the corner, and then you are climbing its hills, wading through its waters, weeping in its sorrows, predicting, breathing, becoming, evolving, ever wishing, ~

well. my someday has somehow hurdled through space towards me, since i was a child, and before that, even, the soul that is mine and mine alone, the me that is galaxies and star blood and moon shadows, this yet another blink of the universal eye, an outbreath of the goddess, a destiny i have caught up with.

bands of sparkling symbols circle round the ring finger of my left hand.

i chose not in fear but in trust and love.

dreams of writing and castles and books and flowers and babies in spain serenade me...

i blush and laugh into myself, this unpredictable and yet so perfect happening.

a wife? yes, and so much more.

i write this at the beginning of yet another journey and adventure as a woman, a soul.

i want to share the joy i feel with all who read this~

the whys and hows and whats are inconcesequential, what matters is our open hearts.

rainbows.

i had to get new tires put on our car today and it completely threw me out of my game, as i had soo many things to do for our trip to california, packing, errands, cleaning, etc.

im sitting at the tire place with the baby and my three year old and she is running around all over the place (i bribed her with popcorn) and the baby is fussing and it took a full hour OVER the time they said it would take.

and im grumbling and muttering and complaining and rolling my eyes and sighing and fidgeting and in general feeling annoyed (and im sure being very annoying) and i finally get the car and im stomping in puddles getting the kids in their car seats

and we get in the car.

and i look up and see a double rainbow.

a double rainbow!

and all three of us are staring into this beautiful, vast, rainy (yet sunny too!) pacific northwest sky and we start to giggle and we start talking about rainbows, and i see other people notice the rainbows, and pointing at the rainbows, and my dreary complainy day completely shifted.

sometimes, to see the rainbows, you have to look up.

quick words.

my life seems to be comprised of bits and pieces, little slots of times, jolts and starts, lulls and silences.

when i catch my breath, i realize i have been breathing too fast.

i was nestled in between my two girls last night and i felt momentary bliss. and i realized that bliss is always momentary, otherwise it would just be normal. bliss is not supposed to be every day- its supposed to be infused into the ordinary so we sit up and take notice.

my three year old asked me the other day if we could see God. i said well, you can see God when you look at the trees and mountains and skies and clouds. and she said oh, like God is painting! and then she said do kitty cats love God? and i said yes. and then she thought for a moment..... and said, and puppy dogs?

and that is what it is all about.

on another note, we bought a de-chlorinator for our bath tub and my daughters excema is going away and my skin is softer as well. who knew? god bless google.

i am trying to remember that sometimes inspiration does not find me, sometimes i have to conjure it up by sheer acts of will.
sigh.

send me good wishes for my road trip with two small little ones.
i will take pics from the road to show you.

bleh.

a very sick household and an underactive thyroid are making me feel less then inspired.
however, i am taking a holiday to california with my family and i will take and post pictures.
sending blessings to one and all who may read this. all three of you! ha! :)